I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
