Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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