Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
