I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
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