then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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