I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
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The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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