My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
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you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
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He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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