I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
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