toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
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Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
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STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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