i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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