I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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