did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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