i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need to sanitize my soul.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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