grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
