We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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