guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
