Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
