Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
