ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
