My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
