Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There was a lot of him and a little penis
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
