My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
