I feel great
I just peed on a car
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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