and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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