i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
