I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
