Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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