people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
