Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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