i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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