I skipped work to stalk him.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
