I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
