I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
