i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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