Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Welp...herpes.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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