Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
