Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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