if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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