LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
