So drunk, too bad you don't want this
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
