Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
