his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
