If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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