yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
