On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
