my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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