she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
