remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
