forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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