My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
