I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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