you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
