we have pet lesbian snakes
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
