i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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