I want to stick my p in your. b.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
