i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
