Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
