He kissed a someone with a penis
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There's always time for handjobs
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!