the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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