Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
