the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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