you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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