i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
