soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
