All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
