I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
