Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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