Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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