There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
