Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
