She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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