my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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