well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
