it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
