I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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