I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
