I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
