I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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