apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
